Alright. I’m with Rhonda Fahn. Hearing Georgia not making NCAAs gives me a nasty grimace. The Team of God has been bullying their way under heaven’s guidance all season, overscoring themselves and getting pissed while not getting the special treatment. Looking ahead, even a god heavenly CGAer like Cassie Whitcomb ditched her friendship with Shayla and jumped ship to UCLA. It will take a lot more convincing, after this season, to lure either Bridget Sloan or Kayla Williams, especially when they see the entitled WOGA duo getting the same treatment. UGA has, in a way, made Shayla Worley a saint with actual work ethics compared to the rest of the team.
UCLA and Florida are the only two teams in NCAA with actual style. UCLA has added a lot more difficulty into their beam routines and is not backing down after their previous meltdowns. That kind of commitment to quality is what will win them the championship. NCAA will likely go UCLA-Florida-Oklahoma, with all SEC teams sinking ships. My evil inner self has always compared SEC gymnastics to trashy southern culture and deems them to have no place in a sport of aesthetic value.
Paris World Cup went as I predicted. On bars Youna threw the def and went behind Tweddle, who trailed behind He Kexin. There are only two female gymnasts out there who you can count on to be more or less consistent: Beth Tweddle on floor and He Kexin on bars. They are the only two people who know for a fact that if they hit, they will win on their respective event. Racking up unreal difficulty has only one advantage. Domination is the ultimate source of confidence. Same can not be said about Wu Liufang on bars and Huang Qiushuang on all events.
In 2006 Beth won over Li Ya multiple times when both hit clean routines with Li Ya leading six tenths or so in A score. China is focusing exclusively on pirouetting angles and it showed. HKX’s pirouettes are not as fluid as Yang Yilin, but they are undeductable. With this streak, China will rack up huge points on bars in team finals.
Speaking of, Aliya Mustafina is not in shape. Her ankles are obviously hurt but without her, the Russian team will again sure to lose to Romania at Euros like they did in 2008. As always, the Romanian team is less distracted and more determined, with little resource they have. Raluca Haidu has gotten a DTY as expected, and they have a dream beam lineup of Chelaru, Racea and Porgras, when Russia might have to put Ekaterina Kurbatova on all four events if Aliya can not vault or do floor. The Russians can not stay healthy and they have some sort of a weight problem. This team is not on a Soviet diet for sure. Aliya looks bigger than a 26 year old Millousi (who is hot!). I might add that the only Russian gymnast who was never plagued by injury was the skeleton Queen.
At last, a NED-BEL-SUI tri meet was held this weekend. I gotta say this. Ariella’s floor routine is divine and more genius than any Valorie Kondos routine.
—It’s been a slow month. Cottbus World Cup was boring as usual — is the prize money less than the cost of a flight ticket now? Gymnastics still is nowhere near a popular sport if the world cup circuit doesn’t attract halfway decent gymnasts. Why does it work just fine for Figure Skating? Seriously, fuck two per country rule, fuck only EF, no AA format, especially fuck the fact that world ranking doesn’t matter to anyone. Whoever gets the No.1 spot at the end of a competition season should be given a world cup final gold cup or something, and be it Marta Pihan or Adela Sajn, at least they bothered to show up and give us some new gymnastics to watch. We need a world cup circuit like track and field. We need a gold bar or a gold ring like their gold bricks. We also need a yearly gala like the old Reese’s Cup, with real divas and lords in mini-skirts or plain naked dancing to some Lady Gaga songs. Whoever made this sport so uninteresting in the new millennium needs to get drunk more often.
—My girl Huang Qiushuang is going to Doha World Cup with her little sister Wu Liufang. Coach Wang Liming’s girls are the traditional Lu Shanzhen girls - Huang is like the new Liu Xuan and Wu is like the new Bi Wenjing. They are the girls with the best basics and will improve over the years with a little more bless than their more frail teammates. Liu, Bi, with Kui Yuanyuan totally rocked the 1997-1998 world cup circuit by the way. Better yet, my girl is doing two vaults. Let’s hope her second vault isn’t a front handspring front pike half. Doha’s field is so miserably bleak that Daniele Hypolito might actually medal on more than one event.
—Anna Li’s parents are starting a new gym and taking the Caquattos with them. Naperville Gymnastics’ owners are reportedly pissed. But let’s get this straight. You’ve no idea how tight the Chinese gymnastics coaching community is in the States. What with most ex-champion gymnasts from the 80s married each other and started gyms everywhere. You don’t fuck with two power Chinese coaches even if they are secretly defecting to their motherland. If Marta is a smart woman she should bribe them for bars tips. Before Li Yuejiu went back to coach the Chinese team, he was reportedly making 40,000 dollars a month. Somehow I don’t worry about their business success. Funny thing Naperville’s hero is Evan Lysacek. The gazillion gyms there, however, never produced an elite gymnast anyone can remember the name of until the Caquattos.
—Asian Junior Championships had Team Japan beating Team China by 3 points, although, that was counting 5 falls total on beam from China. Losing the AA title to Japan’s Tanaguchi, Tan Sixin later picked up two golds on bars and beam and a silver on floor. Unfortunately Tan has a Xiao Sha plotline going for her. Her difficulty level seems maxed out at the age of 14. The rest of the team was a bit of a wash. Zhou Qiaohong has the potential to be a great vaulter or kill herself in the process. Her Rudi was so chucked last year that it pained me to watch. Her form in the air was also worse than Chuso in her 30s. It takes a few years to kill off old habits. I started worrying about these girls’ futures before I watched some old videos circa 2006 of Deng Linlin falling off beam three times every run or Yang Yilin opening a floor routine with a CC combo.
With people going mad with Mai Murakami’s nuts skills (which will all go away as soon as she grows a few inches) or Natsumi Sasada’s Garrison mount, it’s Asuka Teramato who is the most talented junior gymnast of the bunch. The girl has the clean lines of Nastia Liukin only that she can actually rotate a triple full off beam. Japan has a good team going forward, but their Ukrainian coaches need to build a trademark for the Japanese team. Japan is a country that takes form so seriously that in their last nationals Murakami, who was doing a double layout and a double double on floor lost to Kyoko Oshima whose routine had not a single E element. Their form is where they can take full advantage of this quad.
—Jesolo is coming up in a week. Romania is dead broke so they are not sending anyone. Russia sent their entire team for a tropical vacation. We miss the Russian attitude dearly. Marta K. is still thinking about who to send at this point even though she has about 10 gymnasts total to choose from. You can send 12 Marta! But things are always complicated for Marta. She probably never thought anyone would be there when she signed up for this, let alone Mustafina and Komova. Bross can’t go because Bross should never ever lose, but Cassie Whitcomb just might look bad next to Mustafina. There is really no win-win. Also, watch out for Vanessa Ferrari and her little training mate Erika Fasana, who was seen on youtube training double doubles.
—FIG released a hilarious, illustrated document called “WAG Help Desk.” Knowing Nellie Kim we know that she didn’t ask for those poor gymnasts’ permission to establish bad examples out of them. Iryna Krasnianska was pictured doing a cowboyed double tuck off beam. Daria Bijak was seen not hitting a split. And a poor gymnast I can’t identify was illustrated as having “insufficient amplitude” overall on floor even though all there was was that she was just a little overweight. Of course they had Nastia’s floor ending pose to close the document, because she is just so fucking perfect…
My girl and her little sister were taken on a royal tour and a sublime afternoon swim in Doha, together with the Chinese men’s team, which continues to get as many EF golds as possible. This Chinese men’s team is fairly screwed up in that they can round up medals in all individual events with three different crops of gymnasts, but none of the guys are capable of even touching all six apparatuses. With 5-3-3, they would have to leave quite a few, by that I mean more than 5 world champions behind and take less sublime AAers like Feng Zhe or Teng Haibin to London. I find it incredibly unfair that event specialists from power countries who actually won Worlds gold are not allowed to compete as individuals.
Jesolo seemed to have been a blast, but there is very little video evidence. Semenova is getting fuller by month, and you wonder why I worry so much about the Russian growth spurt curse. Little Mai Murakami still looks 8 years old and no one doubts her age. She also does not look like a real midget like Bai Chunyue did. She just looks young. Tell you what if the girl can own that sublime Okino to LOSO combo just once, I will give her a pass on having Romanian form on everything she does. Meanwhile Natsumi Sasada had another meltdown and a growth spurt. Alexandra Raisman and Anastasia Grishina won AA. But the real shit is Russia’s senior A team lost to USA’s B+ team. But thing is, Ramilya Musina should never be put on any Russian team. Russia does not appreciate event specialists. They made Ezhova do AA in 2001. For what reason do they think a crap bar worker like Musina is more helpful to the team than Tatiana Solvyova who can’t vault but does everything else better? Solvyova was not named to the Euros training squad.
Speaking of the good old European rivalry, Romania has been doing well, beating Britain and France in two friendly meets just barely. But hey, they always manage to win. Diana Chelaru is now Romania’s No.1 AAer. The girl has improved tremendously on beam and floor, but her bar routine will not fare well in real competitions. Truth is, Romania is getting back on top. Their girls are always lighter than the Russian girls and are not allowed to get on Facebook or eat trash American fast food. Internet is a true productivity killer.
Wild Rose Invitational is this weekend. I bet Jiang Yuyuan, Deng Linlin and Sui Lu would have a real culture shock ending up in a crap meet in the middle of Canada. I wonder why they decided to send them there rather than, I don’t know, arranging a friendly meet with France and Germany. I’m expecting meltdowns and waterdowns from all of them, but no video evidence.
Alright. I’m with Rhonda Fahn. Hearing Georgia not making NCAAs gives me a nasty grimace. The Team of God has been bullying their way under heaven’s guidance all season, overscoring themselves and getting pissed while not getting the special treatment. Looking ahead, even a god heavenly CGAer like Cassie Whitcomb ditched her friendship with Shayla and jumped ship to UCLA. It will take a lot more convincing, after this season, to lure either Bridget Sloan or Kayla Williams, especially when they see the entitled WOGA duo getting the same treatment. UGA has, in a way, made Shayla Worley a saint with actual work ethics compared to the rest of the team.
UCLA and Florida are the only two teams in NCAA with actual style. UCLA has added a lot more difficulty into their beam routines and is not backing down after their previous meltdowns. That kind of commitment to quality is what will win them the championship. NCAA will likely go UCLA-Florida-Oklahoma, with all SEC teams sinking ships. My evil inner self has always compared SEC gymnastics to trashy southern culture and deems them to have no place in a sport of aesthetic value.
Paris World Cup went as I predicted. On bars Youna threw the def and went behind Tweddle, who trailed behind He Kexin. There are only two female gymnasts out there who you can count on to be more or less consistent: Beth Tweddle on floor and He Kexin on bars. They are the only two people who know for a fact that if they hit, they will win on their respective event. Racking up unreal difficulty has only one advantage. Domination is the ultimate source of confidence. Same can not be said about Wu Liufang on bars and Huang Qiushuang on all events.
In 2006 Beth won over Li Ya multiple times when both hit clean routines with Li Ya leading six tenths or so in A score. China is focusing exclusively on pirouetting angles and it showed. HKX’s pirouettes are not as fluid as Yang Yilin, but they are undeductable. With this streak, China will rack up huge points on bars in team finals.
Speaking of, Aliya Mustafina is not in shape. Her ankles are obviously hurt but without her, the Russian team will again sure to lose to Romania at Euros like they did in 2008. As always, the Romanian team is less distracted and more determined, with little resource they have. Raluca Haidu has gotten a DTY as expected, and they have a dream beam lineup of Chelaru, Racea and Porgras, when Russia might have to put Ekaterina Kurbatova on all four events if Aliya can not vault or do floor. The Russians can not stay healthy and they have some sort of a weight problem. This team is not on a Soviet diet for sure. Aliya looks bigger than a 26 year old Millousi (who is hot!). I might add that the only Russian gymnast who was never plagued by injury was the skeleton Queen.
At last, a NED-BEL-SUI tri meet was held this weekend. I gotta say this. Ariella’s floor routine is divine and more genius than any Valorie Kondos routine.
My girl and her little sister were taken on a royal tour and a sublime afternoon swim in Doha, together with the Chinese men’s team, which continues to get as many EF golds as possible. This Chinese men’s team is fairly screwed up in that they can round up medals in all individual events with three different crops of gymnasts, but none of the guys are capable of even touching all six apparatuses. With 5-3-3, they would have to leave quite a few, by that I mean more than 5 world champions behind and take less sublime AAers like Feng Zhe or Teng Haibin to London. I find it incredibly unfair that event specialists from power countries who actually won Worlds gold are not allowed to compete as individuals.
Jesolo seemed to have been a blast, but there is very little video evidence. Semenova is getting fuller by month, and you wonder why I worry so much about the Russian growth spurt curse. Little Mai Murakami still looks 8 years old and no one doubts her age. She also does not look like a real midget like Bai Chunyue did. She just looks young. Tell you what if the girl can own that sublime Okino to LOSO combo just once, I will give her a pass on having Romanian form on everything she does. Meanwhile Natsumi Sasada had another meltdown and a growth spurt. Alexandra Raisman and Anastasia Grishina won AA. But the real shit is Russia’s senior A team lost to USA’s B+ team. But thing is, Ramilya Musina should never be put on any Russian team. Russia does not appreciate event specialists. They made Ezhova do AA in 2001. For what reason do they think a crap bar worker like Musina is more helpful to the team than Tatiana Solvyova who can’t vault but does everything else better? Solvyova was not named to the Euros training squad.
Speaking of the good old European rivalry, Romania has been doing well, beating Britain and France in two friendly meets just barely. But hey, they always manage to win. Diana Chelaru is now Romania’s No.1 AAer. The girl has improved tremendously on beam and floor, but her bar routine will not fare well in real competitions. Truth is, Romania is getting back on top. Their girls are always lighter than the Russian girls and are not allowed to get on Facebook or eat trash American fast food. Internet is a true productivity killer.
Wild Rose Invitational is this weekend. I bet Jiang Yuyuan, Deng Linlin and Sui Lu would have a real culture shock ending up in a crap meet in the middle of Canada. I wonder why they decided to send them there rather than, I don’t know, arranging a friendly meet with France and Germany. I’m expecting meltdowns and waterdowns from all of them, but no video evidence.
—It’s been a slow month. Cottbus World Cup was boring as usual — is the prize money less than the cost of a flight ticket now? Gymnastics still is nowhere near a popular sport if the world cup circuit doesn’t attract halfway decent gymnasts. Why does it work just fine for Figure Skating? Seriously, fuck two per country rule, fuck only EF, no AA format, especially fuck the fact that world ranking doesn’t matter to anyone. Whoever gets the No.1 spot at the end of a competition season should be given a world cup final gold cup or something, and be it Marta Pihan or Adela Sajn, at least they bothered to show up and give us some new gymnastics to watch. We need a world cup circuit like track and field. We need a gold bar or a gold ring like their gold bricks. We also need a yearly gala like the old Reese’s Cup, with real divas and lords in mini-skirts or plain naked dancing to some Lady Gaga songs. Whoever made this sport so uninteresting in the new millennium needs to get drunk more often.
—My girl Huang Qiushuang is going to Doha World Cup with her little sister Wu Liufang. Coach Wang Liming’s girls are the traditional Lu Shanzhen girls - Huang is like the new Liu Xuan and Wu is like the new Bi Wenjing. They are the girls with the best basics and will improve over the years with a little more bless than their more frail teammates. Liu, Bi, with Kui Yuanyuan totally rocked the 1997-1998 world cup circuit by the way. Better yet, my girl is doing two vaults. Let’s hope her second vault isn’t a front handspring front pike half. Doha’s field is so miserably bleak that Daniele Hypolito might actually medal on more than one event.
—Anna Li’s parents are starting a new gym and taking the Caquattos with them. Naperville Gymnastics’ owners are reportedly pissed. But let’s get this straight. You’ve no idea how tight the Chinese gymnastics coaching community is in the States. What with most ex-champion gymnasts from the 80s married each other and started gyms everywhere. You don’t fuck with two power Chinese coaches even if they are secretly defecting to their motherland. If Marta is a smart woman she should bribe them for bars tips. Before Li Yuejiu went back to coach the Chinese team, he was reportedly making 40,000 dollars a month. Somehow I don’t worry about their business success. Funny thing Naperville’s hero is Evan Lysacek. The gazillion gyms there, however, never produced an elite gymnast anyone can remember the name of until the Caquattos.
—Asian Junior Championships had Team Japan beating Team China by 3 points, although, that was counting 5 falls total on beam from China. Losing the AA title to Japan’s Tanaguchi, Tan Sixin later picked up two golds on bars and beam and a silver on floor. Unfortunately Tan has a Xiao Sha plotline going for her. Her difficulty level seems maxed out at the age of 14. The rest of the team was a bit of a wash. Zhou Qiaohong has the potential to be a great vaulter or kill herself in the process. Her Rudi was so chucked last year that it pained me to watch. Her form in the air was also worse than Chuso in her 30s. It takes a few years to kill off old habits. I started worrying about these girls’ futures before I watched some old videos circa 2006 of Deng Linlin falling off beam three times every run or Yang Yilin opening a floor routine with a CC combo.
With people going mad with Mai Murakami’s nuts skills (which will all go away as soon as she grows a few inches) or Natsumi Sasada’s Garrison mount, it’s Asuka Teramato who is the most talented junior gymnast of the bunch. The girl has the clean lines of Nastia Liukin only that she can actually rotate a triple full off beam. Japan has a good team going forward, but their Ukrainian coaches need to build a trademark for the Japanese team. Japan is a country that takes form so seriously that in their last nationals Murakami, who was doing a double layout and a double double on floor lost to Kyoko Oshima whose routine had not a single E element. Their form is where they can take full advantage of this quad.
—Jesolo is coming up in a week. Romania is dead broke so they are not sending anyone. Russia sent their entire team for a tropical vacation. We miss the Russian attitude dearly. Marta K. is still thinking about who to send at this point even though she has about 10 gymnasts total to choose from. You can send 12 Marta! But things are always complicated for Marta. She probably never thought anyone would be there when she signed up for this, let alone Mustafina and Komova. Bross can’t go because Bross should never ever lose, but Cassie Whitcomb just might look bad next to Mustafina. There is really no win-win. Also, watch out for Vanessa Ferrari and her little training mate Erika Fasana, who was seen on youtube training double doubles.
—FIG released a hilarious, illustrated document called “WAG Help Desk.” Knowing Nellie Kim we know that she didn’t ask for those poor gymnasts’ permission to establish bad examples out of them. Iryna Krasnianska was pictured doing a cowboyed double tuck off beam. Daria Bijak was seen not hitting a split. And a poor gymnast I can’t identify was illustrated as having “insufficient amplitude” overall on floor even though all there was was that she was just a little overweight. Of course they had Nastia’s floor ending pose to close the document, because she is just so fucking perfect…
